I have really enjoyed this idea of a Word of the Year in place of New Year Resolutions. A Word of the Year seems to allow me to focus on one thing, and I feel like provides a meaningful goal to work towards. I think resolutions have the reputation to be lofty, and sometimes impersonal, and maybe that’s part of the reason their failure rates are so high. But that isn’t what I wanted. Last year my word was “worthy”, and I really loved it. I think once I hit 30 and had children that I felt more….adult. I had made my own family and wasn’t a kid anymore, but still felt a lot of obligation to do things that other people wanted me to do, and I still felt a deep urge to please people around me. There was also a lot of change within my family and I was hit with a lot of emotions. Not to go too deep into it, because this blog is about my new word, but “worthy” really made me focus in on the things that I thought were important, let me realize that the feelings I had were valid, and the things I wanted for my family were my choice. It just reminded me that I am important and special, and that I matter. I give so much of myself to others, and I needed a reminder that I need to stand up for myself, and that doing so is okay. “Worthy” was, and is, a very powerful and meaningful word for me.
Because I feel like I hit last year’s Word of the Year out of the park, I really wanted to connect with my new word for 2019, too. Around this time last year, I found out I was pregnant with our second child. I was excited, but nervous. Worry comes to me very, VERY naturally, and I would say this pregnancy didn’t go as smoothly as the first. I also had the typical emotions of guilt when bringing a second child into the family, and I was devastated at the thought that my one-on-one time with my daughter would be no more. I was just more emotional this time around in general. My daughter came on her due date, so I never would have guessed that my son would be 11 days overdue. But he was! And I took this really, really hard. I felt like I was a failure. I wanted to trust my body to do what it was supposed to do, and it just wasn’t. (In hindsight, my body was doing just fine. And I know I’m not a failure and that babies come when they want to.) So take my pregnancy hormones and emotions, and my already very emotional and worrisome nature, and combine that with a very late baby and all the other things I had worried about throughout this pregnancy, and you get…. a BIG. FREAKING. MESS. I cried almost everyday for the last two weeks. I just could not get it together! That darn due date through me for a loop. Then he came and delivery was easy peasy this time, and my hospital stay was fab, and I went home feeling pretty confident. Nope. Having two kids is HARD. I am a schedule and routine kind of lady and there was none of that. Just chaos. I also do not operate well on little sleep. Well, newborns are great about disrupting that. So I cried a bunch more. You know what I needed? To give myself a break. I had just given birth, was on 3 hours of sleep a night for weeks, had a brand new baby, and I needed to just give myself some time to not have it all together. Or appear that I have it all together, because let’s be real, that’s half the battle. I just needed to give myself a little GRACE.
I was at a mom’s group a couple years ago and one of the moms at my table was supposed to bring a gift for a raffle we were doing. Well, she ran out of time that morning and basically made her gift an ‘I Owe You Coffee’ gift (um, yes please!). She explained that her and her kiddos were running a bit behind schedule, and instead of rushing her kids and herself, which of course would result in tears and stress, she decided to take her time, and skip the rush of getting her kids out of the house early to go buy her gift, and just give herself some grace. I have never forgotten that. And I think what was the most amazing about that was that she admitted to this large group of women that she didn’t do what she was supposed to do or intended to do, but that she had done her best, and she was happy with that. Let me repeat that for the people in the back- SHE WAS HAPPY WITH DOING HER BEST. Say what?! Girl, give me some grace! And at a few weeks postpartum, I needed to give myself some sweet, sweet grace. So here’s to 2019 and giving myself grace. And I want to give others grace too. I want to be like Oprah and give everybody some grace! YOU get some grace! And YOU get some grace! EVERYBODY GETS SOME GRACE!!!!!! So I hope you give yourself some grace this year, and share it, too!